2) Relatively painless
3) But still gory.
I'm thinking that all three aren't going to happen... right now I'm considering strangulation. Any suggestions appreciated.
EDIT: Thanks for all your help. ^_^ I've gotten a manner of death that I believe is suitable for what I'm writing. For those of you who want to read the delightfully gory CCD/X short I was working on, it's here.