One of my main characters is a passionate punster. This is a real challenge for me, because I am hopeless with puns! A while back, I posted here to ask for help with thinking up puns for my character to use, and I was amazed and delighted at the totally brilliant things you came up with. So I'm hoping you can help me once again...
Behind the cut are descriptions of the five situations in the story where I think puns could go. I don't necessarily need puns for all of these situations, but if you can think of anything for one or more of them, I'd be very grateful!
MC nags at character A to do something A doesn't want to do. A tries to kick MC; MC grabs A's foot and refuses to let go. Eventually, A has to laugh, and then does what MC asked him to.
B has witnessed this, and now comments that he'll try never to get into a fight with MC, and that MC is a real dark horse.
How can MC punnishly laugh this off and/or say he's harmless, and /or say nobody's ever called him a dark horse before?
MC is on a first date with a woman he likes a lot, and who's coming on to him. He wants to avoid having sex with her just yet, though, because he'd prefer to get to know her better first.
Is there a way for him to tell her with a pun?
In an attempt to cheer up the brooding B, MC has been punning a lot. He then says something that isn't a pun (namely that he's planning on getting a massage that evening); B tells him that if that was supposed to be a joke, then MC needs serious help.
MC says that he was actually just wondering if B wanted to come along – but that he does, in fact, know several more jokes, now that B mentions it. Can this be a pun somehow...?
B and MC are with a group of friends, who are standing a little way off. B asks MC out for dinner at a French fusion restaurant with great wine.
MC (who thinks B is saying they should all go together) says this is a great idea, and asks the others if they also have time.
B sends MC a text message reading:
Oh, fuck it. This friendship thing sucks. You said I should have warned you before, so official warning, I intend to make an ass of myself again, tonight. The brilliant plan:
1 – get drunk
2 – take a taxi to your place
3 – be let in by the building supervisor
4 – wait in the lobby until you come home
5 – be a pathetic ass.
In terms of drunkenness, up to you. I can go from "lightly buzzed and reckless" to "completely smashed and won't remember a thing in the morning". Any preferences?
MC replies with a message to the effect that he is all for B coming over, and that his only preference is for B himself.
I have no clue how to research puns for specific situations by google or by any other means, so I haven't tried anything beyond some helpless googling of "pun"/"play on words" and the like in combination with various key terms. This worked about as well as you'd expect: not. :-/
Thank you very much for your help!