Googled: A whole bunch o' things that you'd think would yield porn, but actually got me car advice, which is what I don't need. Also checked out Minotaur's Sex Tips for Slash Writers, but I've seen conflicting advice elsewhere.
So, erm, can you use motor oil for lube? It seems like it would be a very bad idea, but the source above claims to have done it, and it clearly didn't kill him.
Failing that, what else could they use that they'd find in a tool shed?
EDIT: Thanks guys. Yeah, I didn't think so. I hope that wasn't an unduly traumatizing question.