May 26th, 2011

bad spellers untie!

Wanted: Punsters!

I've asked for punning help on this comm before, and have not been disappointed - you guys are truly awesome word wranglers. :-) Sadly, I myself am still hopeless. Argh...

Since I don't want to spam the list with my punning needs, I'm hoping to find regular once-weekly pun consultants: kind punsters who'd be willing to let me send them five or six punless situations that desperately need to be brightened up with puns.

Are there any such punsters around? It'd be great if you could comment here or send me a private message! You'd earn my undying gratitude, and I'd also be very glad to bake you cookies. :-)
The greatest menace

Of demons, moons, monks and sand

Greetings and salutations!
Following the incredible success and avalanche of awesome information I got from my last request here, I humbly come forth to ask your help once more with my searches for information.

I have googled extensively the usual keywords and gotten some results (most from wikipedia), but I’m looking for more, and since last time you gave me such genial ideas I would never have thought of otherwise….

Right now, I’m looking for any sort of information on the following topics:

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Essential Books For A Srs Cook

Time: Now

Place: Largely irrelevant. If at all possible, the books should be available in English.

Searched: 'Essential books for chefs', 'essential cookbooks' etc

Scenario: I have a murder victim.

They are a Srs Cook - possibly even a chef, and even if they're not professional they are a devout foodie - and when their apartment is being looked at I want this to be pretty clear. It occurred to me that one way to show this would be to list some of the books they keep in their kitchen...

What are some recognisable Foodie Bibles - cookbooks, naturally, but also things like dictionaries of ingredients/spices or histories of cooking - that my murder victim might have on standby?

For the record, they're pretty much an equal-opportunity eater. Not vegetarian, not interested in one particular region over another - chances are, they'd have French Foodie Bible right next to Chinese Foodie Bible.

Prison work release and handler access to medical information.

I'm writing a story involving a convicted felon on work release, working with law enforcement as a CI. (Takes place in the US.) The way I handle certain aspects of the story may be affected by what access law enforcement (most specifically his handler) would potentially have to his medical information. If necessary I can have the CI give permission for the access at a certain point, but I'm wondering if the information might be given without his needing to grant the permission then and there. 

I'm not talking access to the medical files, but more about medical personnel giving his handler (he's under quite close supervision) general information about injuries/illnesses. Is it likely his handler would be allowed access to that information, as it'll affect the CI's work with them? If not automatically, is it possible that something related could have been written into the terms of his release? (I understand that there are sometimes unusual conditions attached to parole, etc. and there are already some special conditions/terms connected with his release.)

I've searched a bunch of variations along the lines of "unusual conditions of parole" "work release law enforcement medical access" "who has access to prisoner medical information" and "law enforcement access to medical information", as well as trying to research generally parole terms and conditions, but I'm having trouble determining exactly what would be realistic here.

Any help would be very much appreciated!
Romola - Sunshine

Release Process for a Criminal Cleared of Charges

Setting: Present day/Riker's Island NYC, NY.

In a nutshell: Suspect is arrested and put in jail because they have reason to believe that he's guilty of a theft. But he has not been officially convicted/had a trial. Before it comes to trial, new evidences comes up to prove that he's innocent of the crime--and someone else is arrested for the crime. How long would it likely take between the discovery of the new evidence, and the release of the (cleared) suspect from jail? This is all assuming it becomes quite obvious, due to the new evidence, that the suspect is not guilty.

I've Googled everything I can think of along the lines of "prison release process," and "acquittal," 'n such, and read up on what I could find about the actual release process when someone comes to pick the prisoner up. But I really need to know the process/time frame for getting a prisoner officially cleared so that they can be released--and my Google-fu has failed me utterly. *headdesk* 
Also, as a side-note: any info anyone might have on the North Infirmary Command at Rikers would be appreciated. I've Googled enough to know the basics, but I'm having trouble finding anything specific about actually visiting someone who's in the infirmary. The suspect is going to be stabbed and in the infirmary right before being released and I'm trying to work out the logistics of how a visit there would look (the suspect is under protective custody--so I'm assuming he'd be in one of the "dorm" type rooms for his own safety instead of in with the gen pop). 
Help? :3